10.25
Hi MarkG,I love your site, I was wondering if I could just submit a posty-wosty or
twoski?Love,Edvar Cullenheimen
Here she is:
Heyyy faithful GirlsShouldLoveMeButInsteadJustWannaBeFriends.com readers!!! I’ve
been reading this blog like NONstop for idkk four weeks or so and I just can’t get
enough. I LITERALLY wake every morning with morningwood, not for the
cutey-with-a-booty next door but for this site and this site only.So basically here’s
my story. I’m like the real chivalrous type, ya know? I just ADORE opening doors for
girls, giving up my seat in class and singing Jack Johnson to them while they finger
themselves to the rhythm of me strumming my guitar (it’s a six string Fender, super
old-school but super BOLD school, ya know?). Girls are ALWAYS really touchy with
me. Sometimes they ask for hugs or massages or piggy backs but all I really wanna do
is like stick my lil piggy below the small of their backs, ya know? So, like,
they’re really friendly with me but whenever I whip out Piglet (as he’s
affectionately named (5 whopping inches, BITCH)), they always rub me softly on the
back (not of my penis, you perv!) and say “Sorry Edvar Cullenheimen, you can’t put
your “Cullen” in my hymen, I just wanna be your friend.” So obvsss I’m like “ouch”
internally but externally I still gotta be Edvar, ya know? So I pretend like
nothing’s wrong but on the inside I’m singing Damien Rice and other really sad
songs. But yaa, this site is just a really good place for boys like me who don’t get
any “sticky fingers” or “blue balls” or any of that riff raff. It’s good to just
kinda unload my sperm of sorrow all over this website and jizz my sadness on, in and
around all of you guys. Metaphorically of course.So to the makers of
GirlsShouldLoveMeButInsteadJustWannaBeFriends.com: thank you so so so so much for
creating a place for the friend-zone-confined boys of the world! It’s really
reassuring to know that I’m not the only one out there who wants to fuck in a
McDonalds parking lot, and get tiny cuts on the tip of my Piglet, and make out with
girls who are on the phone with their boyfriends, and make girls cry b/c I won’t
have sex with them, but simply don’t have the resources, dick size, vocabulary or
girls to do so.And to the bloggers and story tellers on the site: keep not fucking
bitches! Abstinence fo evaaaa!
<33333 always and forever,Edvar Cullenheimen